Life is always interesting isn’t it? It’s a perpetual cycle of wavering smaller cycles. After a few years of a good cycle, a new cycle was entered into and it has been back to haunting echos of cycles past. Such is life though. It appears that this current cycle is finally starting to stop its rotation and allowing me to jump ship to the next cycle with a positive outlook. So what the hell does that mean? It means this is a personal post about ever going ons in my life.
I finally found a local doctor so I could leave the useless one my insurance directed me to. I’ve been trying to get in to see the insurance’s dr because I’ve (forgive the TMI) been without my monthly interruptions for three months and a host of strange symptoms. Plus I haven’t had a good non-specialist check-up for my healing injuries (and insurance sent me a polite note that I had reached the limit on special care for the fall.) Most of my symptoms suggested pregnancy, but none of my tests confirmed this. All I know is I’ve been exhausted and foggy, with some really mean mood swings and some symptoms I had with the ectopic pregnancy.
I really like the new doctor. His office is like an all in one place where they can pretty much do whatever you need done. He started off by doing a bunch of lab work to get an idea of my general health and do a blood hcg test, which was negative, The good news was my general health looks very good. However, I’m severely anemic and have an iron and b12 deficiency. Anemia from a lack of both will lead to all the problems I’ve been experiencing. I have had previous incidents of my stomach not absorbing the b vitamins I take and I realize some of my dietary changes have slacked on the iron I used to get that way as oppose to the supplements I had been taking. (Me with potassium and iron always need a little extra help.) That mystery is solved.
I was of course disappointed. I had held out hope we’d been more successful this time. However, I was also worried out of my gourd that the lack of hcg and no monthlies (and symptoms) meant I might have another ectopic. I’ve had the same type of pain as I had before that was found and pretty constant headaches. So I am relieved that is most likely not the case. It does little to help the fatigue and mood swings at the moment, or the right side pain I get off and on. I’m on supplements and hopefully that starts helping me stop becoming Mommy Dearest around my felines. It sucks though. It feels more and more like that chapter of my life is coming to a close. I respect everyone’s desires when it comes to having or not having kids, but for me personally? Myke and I wanted just one. Naturally would have been nice, but neither of us is opposed to going the adoption route. You have no idea how hard it was to keep this to myself as each month passed by with the possibility. Even the HPTs didn’t sway me for awhile because in the past, when I have been pregnant, I didn’t always get a positive. I needed blood testing and an ultrasound. And by then I was losing the pregnancy.
You know the spooky part of this potential pregnancy? Given my dates of last this and that, all the due date calculators put my potential time delivery on and around the day I fell. It would have been rather poetic to have nearly killed myself last August only to be in the hospital the same time this year to bring a baby into the world. Very poetic indeed.