I think I just fainted


So both Orange is the New Black and House of Cards have new seasons? Netflix is trying to kill me. It’s like there’s this little evil binge-gnome that lurks around the house and it has a big N on its chest. It realizes that I’ve finally broken down and began watching Sons of Anarchy and made a call to all its binge-gnome friends. They came together behind my house where the main cable box is and formed a circle. The sky grew dark and they began to chant as their little bodies swayed back and forth. Somewhere far far away the great momma Netflix-Gnome-Beast heard their chanting and so whipped her evil red head back and cackled at the digital heavens where she is but one goddess among many. And then there, in my living room, my television heard the call and I looked up to see those shows flashing through my previews with the most sacred of words: New Episodes. Damn you Netflix. Damn you all to hell. There aren’t enough hours in the day for this. You’ll have to excuse me. I need to go find a shovel and start whacking some noisy gnomes out back.