Well Now, If You Insist

So I guess my decks have made a fibber out of me. I was so into my Oracles and Flutter-Byes deck project through the middle of the summer. I wrote out nearly a novel for its companion book. Then I just wasn’t feeling it and everything was starting to feel forced, rushed. So I took a step back and let myself take a breather for a few days. And while I was just being happy on my deck, tending my plants and sipping my iced tea, another one of my decks shows up at the house and starts banging on the door. I was almost afraid to answer it. I tip-toed up to that door and whispered “Who’s there?” and I heard an eerie whisper back “It’s Lydia.”

The Lydia deck was originally just The Attic Shoppe Halloween Tarot. It was only the major arcana. That hadn’t honestly been my intention. I started working on the card collages because I was alone all day in a new home, in a new state, sans car, sans internet or decent cell phone, and I was feeling rather alone – at least until our soon to be black cat Mau came running into our house one night (in serious need of a meal) and then I had a purring buddy to keep me company. I just had my laptop, so I worked on a new deck. That’s sort of my thing when in need of distraction or art therapy. This was when we first moved to Ohio and my father-in-law was battling cancer.

When we lost Myke’s dad, most of my desire to create slipped from me. It was a sad autumn and I just didn’t have the desire to carry on with a project that had a few dark overtones to it. I sold the major arcana and quite frankly it was rushed and for the wrong reasons. Having just moved, we needed my portion of the income to be a bit bigger. That’s not always easy as a working artist. I still kick myself for that even though all but one person seemed pleased with the deck. The gent who wasn’t pleased was super not pleased. I was kind of a bitch to him and I wish I could take that back. I decided it was better to tuck the deck away and revive it later. I only put up sales here and there to sell off the remaining decks that were left over from printing. Poor dears, they didn’t deserve to sit stuck in my work room.

So yes. I renamed the deck somewhere along the way and had an awesome dream about Stevie Nicks becoming the spokeswoman for it because it was related to some infamous spiritualist cartomancer from the old days. You know how dreams are with me. So I tinkered with the deck, but it still wasn’t jumping at me until I heard that knock at the door. Then the damn deck jumped up at me and started doing its impersonation of Michigan Frog, still with the top hat, but now with tons of witchy shawls. After that the deck seemed to make itself. I was tickled. Especially since whatever muse has been nipping at me for the oracle deck had to temporarily step out. Perhaps there was a muse convention she had to go to. It happens.

I realize, as I’m about to relay current info on my project, that I deliver the same updates to my various project blogs and still manage to not truly make the same post. I could just cut and paste I’m sure, but different people visit different sites that represent me and my work. I can be bat-shit crazy on my personal blog here. Anyone who has followed me here knows I have a bee in my bonnet and a passion for minor fibbing. It just gets worse as I get older. I’m okay with that really. I drank the Tori Amos kool-aid a long long time ago. Anyhoo, that other information: I was going to sell the deck through my site again and instead opted to use IndieGoGo again.

I’ve done two IGG campaigns for decks. One for the Isidore second edition and then the Tea Bats Lenormand. Both appeared successful, but only one was. The Isidore one was fantastic, save for two lost packages. The Tea Bats one I lost money. I mostly lost money on that because my big perk options I made the rookie mistake of scheduling a postal pick-up for in my new small town where I had heroin addicts walking by my front stoop everyday. They were stolen, and because I only had a receipt saying I paid for shipping, but they were never scanned, the post office would not approve my claim. I refunded one person and repaid another back with a bunch of merch from my shop. I couldn’t replicate the original perks because I used all the limited supplies I had to make the original perk unique. I don’t like being that person, but I was that person. Being that person has helped me be as much not that person as I can be these days.

The IGG campaign kicks off Sept 13th. I picked this date because of my mom. September is her birth month and when she was getting closer to her final time, she just barely made it to her 60th birthday. I realize so much better now just how truly young she was. I was only 28. That is so sobering. Not long before the 13th she had arrested and been put on a ventilator. We knew she was most likely not going to bounce back at this point. She was just so far down.

I was put in a very tough position because my youngest niece was the closet to her grandmother. My mom had been her babysitter most of her young life. Her and her sister wanted to see their grandmother, but my brother was so hospital squeamish he’d only visited my mother one time during the year long event and that was when she arrested. I had been that little when my grandmother went into the ICU. She wouldn’t allow me or my pregnant sister-in-law to visit her and I never got to say goodbye to her. Everyone told me I wouldn’t have wanted to see my grandma that way and I told them I could deal with it if it meant being able to hold her hand one last time. I made the rather brash decision (and not one I really should have made given these were my nieces, not my own children) and took them to visit my mom on the 13th of September.

My littlest niece, the one closest to her grandma, was young enough that she didn’t really know what was going on with her. She thought grandma was in a spaceman’s suit with her breathing tube. She was all smiles and giggles when she ran up to her bed and gave her a teddy bear as a gift. She kept pretending to tickle her legs to make her grandma smile. Her sister was a few years older and had a better grasp of what was going on. It put things in perspective for her because she could see how sick her grandma was. Both girls did alright.

At the end of the visit both the girls gave her hugs and she was smiling. When I said goodbye to my mom she wrote me a note that said thank you, because it had meant so much to see those girls she normally saw everyday six months ago. So that has become the anniversary I choose to remember and celebrate. It’s a day when good things come from something bad. My mom asked to be removed from life support a few weeks later when her kidneys were failing. In those times you want to selfishly hold onto any good moments you get.

We’ll see how it goes though. I keep trying to find ways to bring back all the full joy of the autumn even though autumn is that time where not only the leaves have died. Gotta find it where you can find it.

Now I’m all thoughtful. I think I will end here and go snuggle with the gent… er, my husband! I can actually call him my husband. I’m still getting used to that.

Posted in: Attic Cartomancy

Published by Bajema

"They changed the rules of the fairy tale. I'm no longer just the eccentric niece, now I'm the full blown spooky aunt. So come on! Take your best shot Mary Poppins!" I'm sure Julia said that in that one pin heady movie. Or maybe this is just my take on it.